It has been four months since I was here and during that time I have often wondered why I have stopped. I am still busy, still facing the same issues and still battling with the same systemic failures as before. I am happily engaged with ongoing projects at home, getting involved in local volunteering roles (adoption based, all of them) and now that we have extra child care and help at home I am probably even more able to sit here, in my lovely room, in the quiet, and blog. But I haven’t.
This weekend some of my wonderful older children have taken Jig, Moo and Titch away for the night. They are having an action packed weekend in Bristol and so we have had two days to ourselves. Did we go to the Rogue Theatre production in Tehidy that I have had pencilled in for months? Did we go to the beach side bistro in Bude that has been recommended to me several times lately? Did we find a pretty pub and enjoy a rare glimpse of Cornish evening sun in their garden? Of course not, we watched “Bake Off” on i-player and slept for ten hours!
It is the same thing you see. Just because you have the time and space to do a thing that you have wanted to do doesn’t mean that you have the mojo left to actually do it.
Anyway, the part of me that I use to blog and write must now be rested enough after a summer of hugely increased support and encouragement in order to actually do it. She is tanned and fit, resourced and ready to go. The part of me that I use to go out in the evening and do interesting adult things is currently somewhere in a dark room, curled up in a ball, pale and small, gasping what could be taken to be her last breath. She isn’t going anywhere right now and that is just fine. She needs to be left alone, with a glass of water and a soft pillow. She’ll be back when she’s ready.
(Yes, blue moons do happen – July 2015)